Sometimes we don't know what's best for us. We think we do. We think we have it all figured out, and we know exactly what we want, what we're doing, and where our life is headed. But, then the universe steps in and reminds us - sometimes gently, other times harshly - that what we think is not necessarily what we need.
When I look at my life, it definitely did not go in the direction I thought it would. As a teen, I was playing guitar and singing in a rock band with my drummer boyfriend, and I believed I was going to be famous. It was all I wanted - to be on stage singing and playing to adoring fans, and living a life of luxury. If I wasn't in school or studying, I was playing guitar and writing songs. I imagined myself performing concerts, signing autographs, and doing interviews. I dreamed of buying cars and homes for family and friends, and seeing the whole world. Most of all, I wanted to touch people with my songs, give them something to relate to, and let them know they are not alone in what they feel. But, those dreams remained dreams, and as I look at it now, it's a darn good thing.
When I was younger, I didn't have the self-esteem and grounding that would have been necessary to survive the life of a star. I was insecure and took all criticism to heart. I wasn't assertive, and while I knew right from wrong, I didn't question "authority," especially male authorities. And, I never felt like I had anyone to turn to if I needed support. Looking at it now, I know that if I had become famous, I would likely have ended up one massive train wreck. And, while I desperately wanted to be a rock star, and have spent a lot of time feeling ashamed that I didn't make it, I am VERY thankful for the journey I have had instead.
While it can be very disappointing, painful, and frustrating when we don't get what we want, it's important to remain open to the fact that from our very limited vantage point in life we don't really know what we need. Sure, we may think we need that new job, but what we may not realize is that the one we didn't get would have brought us so much stress that our hair would have fallen out. Or, maybe we feel like owning that big home and expensive car will make us feel whole and happy, but, the loans didn't come through because mountains of debt later we would have been more unhappy and would not have coped well. And, that one person we thought would be the love of our life if only they would have realized it... the universe probably spared us a bigger heartbreak, and left us open so we could find someone who will love and cherish us just as we are, without trying so hard to convince them.
Many people say that life isn't fair, but I disagree. As difficult as it is sometimes, as painful and disappointing, hurtful and frustrating, and shockingly raw - I believe that when we look at all the little intricacies of our life as a whole, our time here is 100% balanced and fair. We may never understand or see the balance because we don't consciously know everything happening and why. But, the more we believe and trust that everything is just as it is supposed to be, and the more we can relax, learn, and enjoy the countless special moments and people life brings us, the more we will see just how fair it all is.
Right now, you may be in a place that feels uncomfortable. Maybe nothing seems to be going right. Maybe your dreams seem to be shattering, and you feel like you're standing on the edge of a rumbling landslide. That can be incredibly scary, and you may feel the need to cling to what you know, rather than let go and see where that takes you. But, when life keeps putting up road blocks and you aren't getting what you want, it's usually because you're being forced to go in a different direction, and that direction will give you what you need.~Teri